Keep your hands to yourself!

Touchy subject. The Ohio Legislature passed a bill barring strip-club patrons from touching nude or semi-nude dancers. Under the bill, dubbed Ohio’s “11th Commandment” by The Plain Dealer , violators could be slapped with a $1,000 fine and one year in jail for touching what the paper described as “the naughty bits.” Gov. Ted Strickland (D) has not taken a position on the bill, according to the paper.

A horse is a horse, of course. After years of debate, Illinois lawmakers voted to outlaw the production of horse meat for human consumption. The bill spells the end of the country’s only horse slaughterhouse in DeKalb, Ill., according to the St. Louis Post-Dispatch . An opponent of the ban chided colleagues for their “romantic vision” of horses — right after impersonating television’s famous talking horse, Mr. Ed.

Legislative language can be hard enough to understand. But Missouri state Sen. Kevin Engler (R) took it to a whole new level when he tried to speak German to introduce a bill making English the official language of state proceedings, according to the St. Louis Post-Dispatch . The bill “fell on deaf ears” and is likely dead for the session, the paper reports.

Residents of Potter, NY just wanted to let a local restaurant sell beer, according to the Rochester Democrat and Chronicle . But townsfolk accidentally banned all beer sales in their burg when they voted no to five ballot questions required under an arcane state law. A bill allowing residents to reverse the beer ban is working its way through the New York Legislature and must be signed by June 21.

In a class by herself. Froid, Mont., high school senior Roxie Britton was the only graduate listening as Gov. Brian Schweitzer (D) spoke at her commencement ceremony. In fact, she was the lone graduate, according to the Associated Press , and gave the valedictorian speech. Superintendent Roger Britton, the graduate’s father, told the AP that Schweitzer attracted an audience larger than the town’s entire population.